Are we there yet?

The semester is coming to a close and I find myself wondering where the time went. It feels like I've accomplished a lot and very little all at the same time. I've changed my direction so many times in the past few months, that when I look back its not clear where I've been. More importantly, when I look ahead, the future is unclear. This is new for me. I'm not one to go at something without a plan or nifty to-do list in hand, and even though most times I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do with my life I always had a back up plan.

Now I'm more confused than ever, but I think I'm ok with that. Somewhere along the zig-zagging and the stumbling I've found a part of myself that I didn't know existed. In life I think that sometimes you have to get a bit lost and take yourself off the old familiar path in order to discover more about who you are. Similarly, I've begun to wonder whether you need to experience being demotivated before you can reap all the benefits of being motivated once again.

This semester has been dynamic and I think I've experienced a little of it all - the happy, the sad, the successes, and the failures. I just hope that I can grow from all of this and perhaps finally pick the direction in which I'm headed. I'm sure there will be some more foggy patches where the road ahead seems unclear, but it would be nice if I could figure out the end goal, and then pick the path that will take me there.

Notes to self from an all-nighter in Uris Library

• Stop being such a damned procrastinator and not only start papers before the night before they are due, but finish them in advance as well.
• Even in a place understood to be quiet, such as the library, it is impossible to get work done while in the same room as Melinda, especially when we're both on gmail.
• Get to tower cafe more than 5 minutes before it closes in order to get decent coffee; otherwise, 4 packs of sugar is needed to make it not taste like sewage
• Too much coffee makes my stomach hurt
• People in Uris look at you funny when you're having a silent conversation with someone else.
• It is entirely possible for a whole class to be in Uris working on their papers simultaneously the night before its due. We're all procrastinators, its inevitable.

I've been venting for 8 hours and I'm still pissed

I can't even begin to articulate the immense frustration and anger I have experienced today. I have never felt so strongly that the opinions and voices of those who have the closest contact to the situation needed to be listened to, but were silenced and ignored.

Earlier this week on a campus similar to our own, a student and an RA were shot in a residence hall, where the shooter was able to enter and leave unnoticed and then proceeded to kill 30 other people across campus before shooting himself. VA Tech and the rest of the nation have responded by asking how was it that the university did not respond to such a situation in time and allowed 2 hours to pass without adequately notifying the wider student body that there was a killer on the loose on campus?

This tragedy has brought about many responses from university officials and students everywhere. Here at Cornell, administrators met to review our safety procedures which they already do every 6 months, and today during our RA meeting, the North Campus RAs were presented with an opportunity to ask questions of the residential programs' staff and the director of residential programs. Numerous questions were asked such as "Does Cornell have an emergency evacuation or lock-down protocol?" and "What procedures do we have in place to notify students in emergency situations?" However, our questions were met with silence and ineffective dodging of answers. We were told that yes, there was an emergency protocol for different situations, but no, the RAs have never been trained on how to respond to such events. And not to worry, because in the event of an emergency we would be contacted by our "superiors" who would inform us of the situation and what to do, and never fear for there is a "phone tree" in place. However, if we were interested they could tell us the emergency protocol for if the avian flu were to break out on campus.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Cornell cannot sit there and tell me after 8 months of having "you're a leader on campus, in the dorms and out" being drilled into my head that we are expected to sit around and twiddle our thumbs while we wait to be contacted by someone else with instructions on what to do if there ever was an emergency situation. I'm not just talking about guns and shooters here, I'm talking about bomb threats, anthrax, natural disasters, biological warfare, a chemistry project gone awry. We've been trained to deal with alcohol, drugs, troubled and suicidal residents, and fire drills. But what about any emergency out of the ordinary? Those are potentially the most threatening and terrible events that can happen, and while we all hope won't happen here, not preparing for it would be foolish. As RAs if anything were to happen in the dorms, we're most likely the first to find out about it. We live there after all. And while we might not be there 24/7, we know a lot more about what happens in the building than anybody in residential programs' office does.

So don't tell me not to worry. Don't tell me someone else will get ahold of me and tell me what to do in the event of an emergency. Prepare me with the fucking proper procedures so that when something happens I can respond in the way that makes sure I'm safe, but allows me to minimize the amount of time that passes before the incident is contained. It is inefficient and ineffective to expect to reach so many people in a short enough time span to take care of a real emergency. True emergency situations require the ability to think on your feet, act quickly, and keep yourself safe. We're not asking to be trained to be heroes. We're not even asking to be given the skills needed to handle the situation. All we want is to know what the protocol is, how it involves us, and who we should notify first (other than CUPD) in the event of emergencies. Who has the authority to start this alleged "phone tree?" How are students going to be notified? What is going to happen if the campus needs to be evacuated? And most importantly, how does the building deal with a lock down and what are our roles as RAs in this?

If we're not trained on what we should do in emergency situations, even those we can't anticipate, then we are not prepared to do our job. And if the so called "leaders of the community" aren't prepared, then that doesn't make me put too much faith in the administration's ability to deal with a real campus-wide emergency and I don't feel safe living in the dorms, let alone being an RA. Unless we receive the training and preparation we are asking for, I can't honestly expect myself to come back to this position next year in good conscience, knowing that my own safety and that of my residents is being jeopardized.

A re-post

I came across this stained and crumpled quartercard we received at the RA banquet back in August when I was straightening up my desk and it struck me even more so than the first time I read it. It's interesting how 8 months changes one's perspective...

A Wish for Leaders

I sincerely wish that you will have the experience of thinking up a new idea, planning it out, organizing it, and following it to its completion and have it be magnificently successful.
I also hope that you go through the same experience only to have it fail terribly.

I wish that you know what it feels like to try with all your heart, and have it not be enough.

I wish that you could achieve some great good for all mankind and have no one know about it, except you.

I hope you find something so worthwhile that you deem it worthy of investing your life in it.

I hope that you become frustrated and challenged enough to begin to push back the barriers of your own personal limitations.

I hope that you give so much of yourself some days that you wonder if it is worth the effort.

I hope that you make a stupid mistake and get caught red-handed and are big enough to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong"

I wish for you a magnificent obsession that will give you reasons to live and purpose and direction for your life.

I wish for you the worst kind of criticism for all that you do, because it will make you fight to achieve beyond what you normally would.

I wish you the experience of leadership.

****
I tried to identify my favorite line, but realized that I found each one equally inspiring.

A day to get things done

Taking care of business. That seems to be the theme of today. For once I seem to be on point, motivated to get things done, and in my "sunny" mood, despite the icky weather. Maybe it's the coffee, maybe it was the good course enroll (see kickass schedule here ), or maybe its the fact that I seem to have my first light week in what seems like forever. But whatever the cause, I'm liking my combo of a good mood and work ethic.

On a semi-related note, the end is in sight! The end of the semester that is, and that is scary and exciting all at once. I'm relatively sure I'm staying in Ithaca for the summer (the only reason this isn't definite is I'm still humoring my parents with the possibility of coming home while I firm things up here). I'm planning on continuing my research with the PAM Extension department but I have no idea what I'll be doing yet and neither does my boss. I haven't decided if this is a good thing or not, but we will see I suppose. Big draws of this job though are 1) nice pay 2) flexible hours 3) flexible location 4) relative work/ research experience to my major, which pretty much covers all the preferable bases

In terms of @, I haven't really talked about the whole LCP election thing. For anyone who reads this and doesn't know, I ran with Angie for LCP and she won and is going to make a kickass LCP and lead Cornell to do great things. The funny thing is I said I wanted this (and I'm sure I did) but I actually felt relief rather than disappointment when she got the position. The pressure is officially off and after transitioning my role I am free to do whatever I want within @. Whether its working on reintegration strategies in our LC (my self proclaimed task for this summer/ next semester) or getting more involved with @US or international, the sky is the limit. I woke up the day after the selection was announced feeling more passionate and motivated in @ than I have all semester, which surprised me. But I'm a strong believer that things always work out for the best, and in some weird, crazy way that only @ can, not getting LCP may be the thing to re-spark my interest and desire to do something great in this organization. And I truly believe that I can have just as big, if not bigger impact by not being in a LT role because I won't be bogged down with the day-to-day responsibilities and random administrative stuff. Aside from all this, I know that Angela is going to do an amazing job and that our LC is going to seriously push the limit next semester and grow beyond our wildest dreams.

In the three days between interviewing and GPM, I really took the time to plan out the rest of my time at Cornell and determine what I would do next year if I didn't get the position. After talking to a few of my friends, I realized that I really wanted to study abroad, which wouldn't fit into my junior year if I had gotten LCP. Now I have the opportunity to do this and I am so excited I can't stand it. Currently, my favorite program is one in Amsterdam that has social policy related classes (and yes, Arthur kindly pointed out that I might be the only person to pick a program based on classes...) But I talked to a friend in The Netherlands that I met at WeGrow and he only made me more interested in the program and I really think I'm going to try to do this program.

So this probably should have been more than one post, but I had to catch up on everything at some point and there's no time like the present!

F*** You CNN

I used to think CNN was a respectable news source. I used to think they were above producing a purposely half-assed reports. I used to think they were above tabloid journalism and using comments out of context. It is obvious that I was wrong:
http://www.cnn.com/video/partners/clickability/index.html?url=/video/us/2007/04/04/lothian.segregated.dorm.cnn

**note**I'm a bit too bothered by this at the moment to put together a coherent post on how they completely misconstrued Program Houses at Cornell. But my initial reactions are as follows:

How dare they only feature 3 of the 8 program houses (PH) on campus, especially when there are 2 others that focus on cultural and diversity issues--McLLU and HILC! They specifically left these two out of their report because it would have undercut their whole stance! They also fail to mention all of the amazing programs each PH puts on and how these are not only open to the rest of the student body, but that the houses are actively recruiting people to attend. They spoke to one specific student without bothering to talk to anyone else on campus or in the houses about it. CNN was actually in Ujamaa because of a specific unity hour they were hosting with a renowned speaker--they were not there to cover the fact that they think our PHs are self-secluding.

Sure, I might be biased because I live in a PH myself, but look at me! I'm a white girl RAing in what is a predominantly minority dorm. Does that look like seclusion to you? Not to mention that McLLU's hot topic discussions, Ujamaa's Unity Hours, and the LLC's Cafe con Leche programs are all highly attended by students outside of that specific residence hall. Cornell has been working to promote the program houses and even kicked off a new marketing campaign last spring with their "I <3 Program Houses" buttons, pens, post-its, and bags.

Program houses might appear seclusionist from an outsider's perspective, but if you live in the house it becomes very clear that one of the goals of each program is to get residents from outside of the building to attend. That's why we host multiple events at the community centers, etc, because we realize that some people don't find their way into the program houses on a regular basis. Or might feel weird attending a program at a building where they know no one. Our PHs are something unique and ought to be cherished, not frowned upon.

Scratch that

So everything I posted yesterday about how nice the weather is...yeah, well I spoke too soon. Today is sunny and gorgeous and 60 out, but they're calling for SNOW tomorrrow night through the weekend. It's April, what is with the insanity?

Oh wait, I forgot. We're in ITHACA.

Sunny Days

It's funny how as soon as the sun comes out in Ithaca so do the shorts, mini-skirts, flip-flops, and sunglasses. The hats, gloves, and boots get put away for (what we hope is) good, and along with them go the winter blues. One of my friends put it best: it's as if the entire campus wakes up after the long winter.

Today was one of the prettiest days I've seen and truly a sign that Cornell Days is just around the corner (because we all know old Ezra sold his soul to the devil to ensure sunny, beautiful days for all those campus tours). Seeing everyone laying on the grass studying, or throwing the frisbee out in the court yard is a reminder that this year is almost over. Wow. Sophomore year is coming to a close, and soon I'll have only two more years left. Trying to be an optimist, I do have half of my undergrad left, but I have a feeling this will go by quicker than the first two years. Especially because I have bigger decisions to make. What do I want to do with my life? What comes next? Grad school? Law school? A career? Traveling? The questions are endless and so are the possibilities.

You have to recognize when the right place and the right time fuse and take advantage of that opportunity. There are plenty of opportunities out there. You can't sit back and wait. ~Ellen Metcalf