Too much to process

So the conference today wasn't run the way I would have done it: a 2-3 day conference with more discussion groups and a pre-conference prep packet to get people up to speed with terminology and the organizations that would be mentioned instead of the 9 hour day with only one discussion break out and little explanation about the organizations the speakers worked for or elaboration on specific issues. But they did a good job with the limited amount of time they had and I learned a lot.

The conference was put on by Americans for Informed Democracy (AID) and the organization's vision and values are very closely aligned with AIESEC's. I've always known that there was a connection between my major, PAM, and AIESEC, but I was never able to see how this would feed into my career path clearly. I think social entrepreneurship may be the answer. I need to gather my thoughts to coherently piece this huge realization together, but in short I think I may have found my direction in terms of when I "head for the future" (to use @ lingo).

I have a lot of thinking to do, but its good to finally feel excited again.

Meetings, Sch-schetch-tady, Boston, oh my

So even my spring break seems to bring one thing after another, and I'm slowly realizing that things aren't going to calm down any time soon. And I'm also realizing, that this might just be the way I like things to be. If not, then I guess I'll have to start cutting back on something. What I don't know, but it's time to begin prioritizing things in my life.

First thing to prioritize: what I'm looking to get out of this summer. Money? Resume builder? Fun? Life skills? Professional skills? The list can go on and on...I have several options on the table, with the potential for many others. But deadlines are swiftly approaching and I may find myself narrowing down the options by lack of time rather than lack of interest, which is not how I want to go about this.

For now, I'm going to go and enjoy my Social Entrepreneurship and Global Change Summit at BC tomorrow.

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. ~Ben Stein

Keeping Up

Sometimes I feel like my life is moving so fast I have trouble keeping up. Spring break was what kept me going for the past few weeks and now I feel like its already over. Sure, it's only Tuesday, but tomorrow I have appointments all morning and then I'm driving to Schenectady with some friends. Thursday I have a date with my "roomie for life" to go be kids again at the Strong National Museum of Play and the Butterfly Garden. And Friday I leave for Boston for the weekend. I had made plans to do all these little random things that now I have to squeeze in. Where does the time go?

Speaking of Boston, I'm not quite sure what to expect for this mini-conference. I really hope it's worth the trek out there and that I get something out of it. I'm not expecting it to be We Grow, but it would be nice to meet some inspiring people and learn a bit about social responsibility.

It's pretty amusing to see my parents' reactions nowadays. My stepmom asked me the other day if I knew anyone who would be at this conference and when I told her no, she responded "Wow. I'd never have the guts to do something like that." That seems to be the common response I get from my parents when I tell them most things I'm doing or want to do. Even back in high school, my dad told me over and over again that he wished he had the courage to do all the things I did, like try out for and be in the school play, be an editor on the yearbook, try out for various sports teams that I didn't make (yeah...not so athletic), and go to the prom. The funny thing is that I definitely don't see myself as being courageous. In fact, I'd say I'm one of the least courageous people I know. I tend to stick to status-quo and avoid creating waves at all costs.

This is getting long and rambly so I'm going to end it here.

Only 2 days of class??

So I spent the morning sifting through courses for the fall, and I started to see a trend...TR, TR, TR...and then it came to me. Like the giant lightbulb in the sky. What if I only have Tuesday, Thursday classes? Can it be? It seems too good to be true...

Ladies and gents, here it is, my first draft of my Fall 07 schedule: http://schedulizer.com/j705kE

Why this would be perfect...a 4 day weekend every weekend and hump day off as well.

BIG Changes Underway

The past 24 hours have been those of BIG changes. They might not mean much to other people, but they're a big enough deal to me and that's all that matters.

• So MJ and I were talking today, and we decided we'd let some random guy in c-town bang me... So after nearly 15 years the bangs have returned! I'm still getting used to them, but I think I'm gonna like them once my eyes adjust to having the hair constantly poking them...
• My boss quit. The person who was overseeing me and the other 2 girls working on the NSF grant resigned from the project. Good news is I have until after spring break to finish everything I was rushing to get done this week. Bad news is I have no idea what I'll be doing, who will be overseeing me, or if this person will be as cool as Laura.
  
• I won't be in the big Dick next year. Like my last post, I'm struggling with the realization that this will be my last semester in Dickson/McLLU. On top of that, I'll have to break in a new RHD, only have 5 other staff members to share on calls with, AND have to train the transfer students which is worse than dealing with freshmen...
• The LCP Application for 07-08 just went out. This means decisions decisions decisions over spring break for me in terms of prioritizing what I want out of my next two years at CU and what I want in terms of @. Regardless of my choices, everyone will have to adjust as the amazing Ruke hands the reigns over to someone else.
• My mom is moving. I've known this for a while, but it never really registered. Maybe its because she's been looking at houses for 2 years and had multiple deals fall through, but now our house is on the market so I guess that makes it real in my mind. It's not like I really care or anything (I learned long ago not to get attached to anything when it comes to my mom...yes Freud would have a field day with me). But it's still weird.
  

Why I Live Here

Tonight definitely reminded me why I chose to stay in McLLU this year. Two of my favorite residents, Paula and Adey, did what we McLLUies like to call a "Culture Share" and it was honestly the best I've seen. This Ethiopuerican event (as Antoni began calling it) featured the music, culture, and most importantly food of Puerto Rico and Ethiopia. Half of the house showed up which is HUGE considering we generally call more than 5 people a good turn out for any given program and it was a prelim night. I was so proud of them and they will make phenomenal RAs next year.

I came back from classes, meetings, an info session, and GPM ready to crash at 7:30 and not really looking forward to another commitment. However, the girls' enthusiasm, great presentation, and the discussion I had with residents following the program definitely brightened my spirits. This was just another event that reminded me why I became an RA in the first place and will make me miss McLLU next year.

I think I have been so overwhelmed this semester that I forgot how much I enjoy being a part of my program house. Somewhere amidst the academics, @ing, working, and family stress I had missed how close this community has become. I absolutely love the energy, diversity, and spunk that each and every resident brings to the hall and their willingness to share their culture with eachother.

As thoughts of next year fill my head, its hard not to wonder if I'm making the right decision by deciding to transfer to Hasbrouck instead of staying in McLLU. When I think about it rationally I know the reasons I decided to change it up, and I still agree. But when it comes to my heart, McLLU will always hold a special place.

Well, with little persuasion, I now have three more things to do before I die: see the 'Smoke of Fire' Blue Nile Falls in Ethiopia, fall asleep to the sounds of the coqui in Puerto Rico, and take a safari in Kenya.

pretty damn cool

Dear Lindsey,

Thank you very much for your interest in the Young Global Leaders Summit on Social Entrepreneurship and Global Change that our organization is hosting from 9:15 am (with registration beginning at 8:30 am) to 5:00 pm on Saturday, March 24^th. We’re delighted to tell you that you’ve been accepted! The summit will take place on the Boston College campus in Fulton Hall 511. Boston College is located at 140 Commonwealth Avenue, Newton, MA 02467 (click here for exact directions to Fulton Hall). We will be sending an updated list of conference participants one week before the conference so you can arrange car-pools with others coming from nearby.

Our goal for the summit is to bring together young global leaders from across the U.S. for a day of workshops, speakers, and discussions on the new fields of social venture capital, micro-finance, corporate social responsibility, and cause marketing. The rise of social entrepreneurship is changing the way we live and the opportunities for global social change. The Social Entrepreneurship and Global Change summit will examine how leaders today are increasingly taking a business approach to make a social impact - from helping to end poverty to reducing the impact climate change. We will also be leading a workshop, giving you the tools to become involved in your community.

Catching up

Today was a day for catching up. While I didn't get all the work done I had hoped to (do we ever??), I did all those little things that never manage to make it to the top of my to-do list, but absolutely needed to be done. Emails were sent, phone calls made, and random odds and ends completed.

I think this un-messifying was necessary to clear my head and let me really focus on schoolwork, work, and all other important things. Besides, sometimes its the little things on the to-do list, that aren't the most time-sensitive that in the long run are the most important. Such as maintaining relationships.

On that note, I had a random visitor scare the crap out of me today. I get a call from another RA in the building who very seriously asks me to come to her room because she needs help dealing with a "situation." Since that word is code for "emergency" I flew out of my seat, told the resident I was talking to we'd continue our convo later, and sprinted to her room. Much to my delight, instead of finding a dying resident I found McLLU's previous ARHD and my dear friend NAVIN!!

It was so great to be able to catch with him and see his familiar smile again. While I love McLLU this year, it is definitely lacking Navin's energy and charm. NYU may have snatched him for grad school, but his presence lives on!!

Overall, sleep + catching up + random visitors = pretty good weekend.

Ready. Set. Go.

Attention anyone who cares:
I slept for 13 fucking hours last night and if felt amazing.

On another note, I have decided it is time to get back to work. There is a time to be unmotivated, and there is a time to be motivated. Last week I was unmotivated. Let's fix that for this week.

I have 14 evaluation articles to go (yes...that is an insane amount of work to catch up on) I plan to be at 7 by the end of the day. The race is on.

Made it to the weekend

Seriously, this past week has been one of the most intense rollercoasters I've ever experienced because it has hit me on so many different levels. I've gone from high to low, lauging to crying, wanting to punch people to wanting to hug them. The whole week has been so emotionally draining on so many different levels that I simply could not focus on anything academic that wasn't absolutely imperative.

I hate that paralyzing emotional blur, that when it hits you everything just stops. Or at least you wish it could. But in reality everything keeps going and at some point you have to jump back in and catch up with your life.

A single conversation was enough to make me realize that everything was going to be ok. That everything I was feeling was completely justified and that I wasn't alone. It amazes me that I've only known this person for 6 months, and yet I feel completely comfortable telling her things that it has taken me years to tell other people, and that some of my closest friends don't even know about me. I really believe that most of the deepest friendships I have were formed through @. And how could they not be? We spend so much time with one another. We share our ups, our downs, our triumphs and our failures.

But I also think it's curious that some of the people I consider "good friends" through @ I know very little about. I know how they function, their daily habits, and could probably even sketch together a schedule of their classes, meetings, and social life. And then I know the deeper side. I know what they're passionate about, what motivates them, and what they want to get out of life. But I know very little in between and I find that odd. I haven't quite decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but only time will tell.

There was a definite process by which one made people into friends, and it involved talking to them and listening to them for hours at a time. ~Rebecca West

Over my head

What do you do when you realize that you are in over your head? That things have just kept piling up, and building to a point where it is spiraling out of control. School, work, family, friends - all of it has culminated into one huge disastrous mess and I seriously don't think like I can get myself out of it.

I started off this semester on entirely the wrong foot, with my life in a tizzy and my head unclear. The reason I decided to stick to my current life was because I honestly didn't think things could get more stressful as long as the Chrissy situation was under control. I vastly underestimated the rollercoaster ride of a semester I was in for, and quite frankly I don't know what to do. I want to curl up in my bed, cry myself to sleep, and not wake up for 10 days.

Clearly this would not solve my problems and is not a viable option, so I'll just keep chugging along like always. But it makes you wonder: when is enough enough? When do you stop, realize you're in over your head and decide to make a change? And when do you recognize that you can't go this alone and call for help?

When defeat is inevitable, it is wisest to yield. ~Quintilian

The Next Step?

Well I've officially registered on AO. I'm not sure what this means...I had decided last semester that I wouldn't be doing a traineeship this summer for a variety of reasons. Despite the fact that none of them have changed, I seem to have had a change of heart and am now reconsidering this option.

Stupid or wise decision? Only time will tell...

Not a Moment to Lose

If I thought the beginning of the semester was crunch time then I seriously underestimated the new levels of productivity that I would be forced to resort to in order to accomplish everything that needs to get done. Today was the first time I saw 6am waking up rather than as a bed time since I came to Cornell and the strangest part is that I woke up with no alarm and two hours before I needed to. It was as if my body was anticipating the need for those extra two hours today and I'm glad I actually woke up and started my day rather than rolling over and squeezing in two more hours of sleep.

Apparently I have been avoiding reality with work lately, because my boss finally came back from being MIA and suddenly I find myself going "Oh shit, I have about 30 hours worth of work to do before I meet with her on Monday..." I spent the past 6 hours reading/summarizing dense evaluation articles with various @ related phone calls breaking up the evening. You'd think I could read more than like 30 pages of articles in that amount of time, but let me tell you...Laura Leviton is a bitch (although not as bad as Cook) and not so easy to read and even harder to comprehend. Although she does have a particular interest in the nonprofit organizations and what makes them tick. I saw way too many parallels between the strengths and weaknesses she identifies and the Human Services Coalition where I worked this summer, and of course, @. It really is quite creepy how everything in my life is intertwined...everything from my jobs, to the @, to my classes.

Speaking of @, I have decided to have a 100% completely @-free spring break. That means no answering @ emails, no @ work, and no @ calls. I need a vacation from my life, and since: life=classes+RAing+@+research all three will be put on hold for one glorious week in which I can revel in the sounds of screaming children, blaring Disney tunes, and arguing parents. Oh the joys of life...