Difficult Decisions

It's really hard to come to grips with the realization that some things you planned for and were excited for just aren't meant to be. I won't be going to MENALDS over spring break and that really makes me sad. Even after learning that SAFC changed their funding policy and I would have to cover the cost of the plane ticket on my own, I was still sure I would be going. But every rational bone in my body was telling me "don't do this! don't spend money you don't have! this isn't right!" and I finally realized that if I went, I would be violating my own integrity.

So it looks, much to my dismay, I'll be heading home for spring break once again. Maybe it won't be so bad afterall though...I just found out one of my best friends will be home from Caltech that week too, so we can chill together.

The next thing on my mind is what I'll be doing this summer. Now that I'm going home, I can look into that internship more easily (he can't ignore me if I swing by his office - especially if I have an appointment!) But I am divided on whether or not this is something I really want to do. I also plan on looking into other internship opportunities outside of Rochester, like in a city or something. I don't really care where I am, just as long as I'm doing something productive or fun.

I'm also reconsidering the possibility of doing a traineeship this summer. I'm itching to get out of the US and if I can figure out a way to cover my summer savings expectations with scholarships or loans, this might actually be feasible. This will require a bit more research and creativity, but now that spring break should be chill I might actually have a chance to figure stuff out.

Ok, back to the business of readings, work, recruitment drives and more...ROKS this weekend! woot woot!

Reminiscing and Realizations

It is so easy to take experiences for granted, not appreciate it until its over, and then forget exactly how great it really was. Tonight my friend started asking about my internship with The Human Services Coalition this past summer and I caught myself stumbling over the words, phrases, and acronyms that used to come so easily.

Looking back after only six months made me remember all of the great times and reflect on everything I learned while I worked there. HSC has to be the sweetest, most supportive organization I've ever been a part of and I could definitely see myself devoting my life to such a cause after I have my "career." This organization can seem dysfunctional at times and is run on the sweat, blood, passion, and goodwill of it's employees and volunteers. Each and every person is there because they truly care about what they are doing and they want to help people. The coolest part is that they are actually accomplishing this directly. There is pretty much no bureaucratic bullshit and these people are creating programs, implementing them, and working directly with the people it aims to benefit.

The past few months I've really been struggling to determine what it is I want to do with my life. It has taken a long time, but I've finally determined that I need to work with people. People are my passion: getting to know them, hearing their stories, troubles, and concerns. I genuinely like people and have always been able to get along with just about everyone I meet. Whatever I do in life I know that sitting behind a desk, answering emails, and talking on the phone will never be enough. I need to be interacting with people on a daily basis, preferably helping them in some way. "Helping" is a relative term, I know and this doesn't mean I need to be doling out dishes at a Soup Kitchen - although that's definitely something I'd enjoy doing - but I need to be interacting with the public.

I know that dealing with the public can be a bitch - I did this for over a year working behind the Service Desk at a grocery store. People get angry, impatient, and can be downright assholes, but for all the countless jerks who you deal with, you get the occasional person who just brightens your day without even knowing it. I had days I left my job in tears because of customers, and I had days I left inspired and motivated to make something of myself. Every job I've ever had has dealt directly with people - babysitting, Service Desk, Annual Fund caller, HSC intern, RAing, @ Recruitment Team Leader - they've all been people focused, which is what I loved about them.

While I'm far from determining what career path I'll head down after graduation, I'm beginning to understand what motivates me and what type of position I'll need in order to succeed.

Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love. ~David McCullough

Entropy

Random thoughts I plan to return to when I have a chance to catch my breath:

• I need to decide whether to be fiscally responsible or if I should be irresponsible, spend money I clearly don’t have, and buy a ticket to Morocco. On the other hand, if I don’t go what will I do? I’m definitely not going home and sitting on my ass for a week…
• What am I going to do this summer? Should I continue pursuing the financial advising internship despite the fact that my mentor is being non-responsive? There is the possibility of being an RA over the summer but I really don’t want that. Especially since I’d have to be a “good role model” for the minors and that would impede on my fun.
• Our new members are KICK ASS. I love each and every one of them. Their sugar cubes from our retreat made my week.
• I’m having mixed feelings about leaving DMC. I know that Hasbrouck will be a great experience but I’m nervous/anxious about not knowing how the program will be run or established.
• I think there is a conspiracy at Cornell to see just how far they can push students before they start jumping into the gorges. All the faculty and staff get together and sit down and strategically plan their deadlines so that they make certain weeks impossible.
• Studying bio with Farrukh is waaaayyy better than studying alone. Even if we spend a half hour looking for 10 fatty acids before realizing the problem was number 10, and the question started with “fatty acids”
• My brother has a lot to learn about the world. I’ve taken it upon myself to push him beyond his comfort zone and to actually appreciate everything outside his little Webster bubble. Progress so far has been limited, but I will not give up! He has to break at some point, even if that means I book two flights to someplace exotic.
• It feels good to smile again and actually mean it.
• There are some people that will always appear to suck, but most will surprise you at some point in life. Those that don’t were probably never given the chance.
• I think my parents have stopped questioning my decisions on most things. At least out loud, that is. I’m not sure they’ll ever fully understand or accept what motivates me, but for the time being they’ve stopped trying to stop me.

What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. That is my mantra for the week and each time I feel like I'm about to go under, I keep repeating it to myself. First on the to-do list: don't let this week kill me.

Snow Day!!!!

Cornell University will close effective 12:30 PM Wednesday, February 14, 2007. Classes will end for the day at 12:05 PM. The University is expected to remain closed until 5:00 AM Thursday, February 15, 2007 subject to further reconsideration later this evening.

This has to be the coolest thing to ever happen at Cornell...SNOW DAYS ARE AWESOME.

Interesting...

LISBON, Feb. 9 — Last week, children from two Roman Catholic day-care centers in the port city of Setúbal were sent home with a most unusual note: a fictional letter from a fetus to the woman who conceived and aborted it.

“Mommy, how were you able to kill me?” the letter read. “How were you able to allow me to be cut up in pieces and thrown into a bucket?”

The Rev. Miguel Alves, the day-care center director who sent the letters, defended his action as perfectly normal, adding, “There’s no reason for indignation.”

The letter reflects one view in a passionate, often raw campaign to sway voters before a referendum this Sunday on whether Portugal should decriminalize abortion.

>>Keep Reading<<

Wow. I'm not sure where exactly I stand on the abortion debate, but this seems like a bit of an extreme campaign. Coming from a strong conservative Catholic family, I grew up hearing how abortion is wrong in every circumstance. Only recently have I begun questioning this belief. And while I don't think I would ever be able to go through with an abortion I can definitely see why others would.

In my Ethics and Health Care class this week's topic was abortion which sparked a huge debate over the morality of aborting a fetus. The discussion in our section yesterday basically boiled down to when does a fetus become a person? Is it at the point of conception? The point of viability? Not until birth?

The liberal argument (that a fetus is not a person, only persons have rights and therefore a fetus has no rights, alluding that abortion is right in all instances) is weakened by the fact that there is essentially no difference between a late term fetus and a newborn infant. So by their logic, if a fetus in the 8th month is not a person, neither is a newborn and infanticide would have to be morally sound. Of course no one believes killing babies is correct, but is it moral to abort a fetus that could survive outside the womb?

On the other hand, the conservatives argue that abortion is always wrong. They counter the liberal argument by saying that while a fetus is not an actual person, it is a potential person which gives it the right to live. The liberals respond by asserting that the rights of an actual person trump a potential person, therefore the conservatives argument is invalid. Additionally, if you carry out the conservative argument to the extreme, then anything that interferes with the development of potential persons (ie. contraception, morning after pill, etc) is morally wrong as well. And I definitely don't agree with this.

Therefore, I must be a moderate in this case. In my mind, the morally correct response lies somewhere between abortion always being right and abortion always being wrong. At this point in time I'm leaning towards the point of viability being the determining point when a fetus acquires rights, but this leads to other problems. Such as when is the point of viability? Especially with new developments in technology, this is a fuzzy point in time.

Ok, well this is making my head spin...Too deep of a post for my current state of mind :P

Snow Day Memories

So reading about Mexico, NY's winter wonderland reminded me of the Blizzard of '99. In a matter of hours we received 3 feet of snow on top of the 2 feet we already had. We had Thursday, Friday, and Monday off because it was so bad and it was the coolest 5 day weekend ever.

My brother, neighbors and I spent the days off tunneling through our front yards, creating the most intricate snowball forts. If I remember correctly, it wasn't even all that cold or windy, just really really snowing so it was perfect for playing outside. I was in 7th grade, so I was still young enough to go outside and act like a kid, not that I wouldn't do it again if it happened right now. Sooo much fun.

One day at a time

I woke up this morning and decided to be happy, and it was as simple as that. For the first time in a long time I actually felt like myself for a whole day. While I doubt that getting back into the swing of things will be as simple as just deciding it should be so, I think I'm on the right track. There is a time to be frustrated, a time to be sad, and a time to heal, but then life must go on. Dwelling on the past and projecting it into the future will do nothing but be a distraction.

I don't expect that things will be as they were before because things have changed - I have changed. I've discovered things about myself and have a better grasp of what is truly important to me. It is time to get back up, dust myself off, and move forward. Today is hopefully the first of many steps in the right direction.

The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark. ~Barbara Hall

Ithaca Is Cold

I swear, this coldness just zaps the life right out of a person. Skin gets dried out, lips get chapped, and all energy is swept away by the bone-chilling wind. It really makes me think twice (or three or four times) about getting out of bed in the morning, knowing I'm facing the arctic chill as soon as I step out my door...

Time for the weather report. It's cold out folks. Bonecrushing cold. The kind of cold which will wrench the spirit out of a young man, or forge it into steel. ~Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

The Healing Process

So I came home looking for something and I'm still not sure exactly what that "something" is, which makes it quite difficult for deciding if I've accomplished my mission. If it was peace of mind then I think I've found it. While things are by no means back to normal, my family is finding some way to make it all work.

I've felt so lost these past few weeks, and I think the real quest was to find myself. I don't think too many people would understand how much this series of events has impacted my life - especially because I don't think I've fully realized it all yet. One thing is for certain though, I'm glad I made the trip home and I think I will go back to CU in a slightly better state of mind.

Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis. ~Martha Beck

The Verdict is In

The CU RHDs duked it out and I guess I'm headed to Hasbrouck next year. I am mainly excited, especially since I get to live in an apartment rather than a dorm, but Nob better get GCA there since he's the reason I applied there anyways.

So I'm all set on where I'll be living next year. Now if I could only figure out what i'll be doing...

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all. ~William Goldman in The Princess Bride

The Short of the Matter

Most of us, in ways that we are not entirely aware of, automatically associate leadership ability with imposing physical stature. We have a sense of what a leader is supposed to look like, and that stereotype is so powerful that when someone fits it, we simply become blind to other considerations. And this isn't confined to the executive suite. Not long ago, researchers who analyzed the data from four large research studies that had followed thousands of people from birth to adulthood calculated that when corrected for such variables as age and gender and weight, an inch of height is worth $789 a year in salary. That means that a person who is six feet tall but otherwise identical to someone who is five foot five will make on average $5,525 more per year. As Timothy Judge, one of the authors of the height-salary study points out: "If you take this over the course of a 30-year career and compound it, we're talking about a tall person enjoying literally hundreds of thousands of dollars of earning advantage." Have you ever wondered why so many mediocre people find their way into positions of authority in companies and organizations? It's because when it comes to even the most important positions, our selective decisions are a good deal less rational than we think. We see a tall person and we swoon.

Excerpt from Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Suddenly I feel overwhelmingly jipped by the gene-pool. My mother and aunts on both sides of the family range from 5'9-5'11, my father and brother are both 6'3, and here I am standing "short" at roughly 5'6.