Well its Christmas - and I have a sinus infection. Boo. I thought I had finally gotten over that icky cold, but my poor immune system (and sinus cavity) couldn't hold out any longer. At least I got the prescription today so I'll have it on the trip.

Aside from that, this holiday has been pretty much stellar. I got to see both my Mom's and Stepmom's families yesterday and spent all of today with my little brothers and sisters. I forgot how much fun it is to just be a little kid and "play pretend." I spent the bulk of the morning being a range of characters from Dora and then chased (and was chased by) my brothers around with light sabers. Life is good.

Tomorrow we depart for Dupont, DE where I'll stay the night before heading out to Virginia with the little kiddos until the 31st. New Years will be spent back in Dupont with the rents (boooo) and then I'll stay there until Chrissy is allowed to come home (if all goes well the 5th).

I just pray that everything goes ok and that there aren't any complications. My brave little Chrissy has been a trooper this far and I know she will get through this ordeal as well. All I can say is that although she is only three, I admire her fortitude, courage, and unfailing determination. I have no doubt that she will overcome whatever hardships life throws her way.

Christmas might be coming to a close, but the real journey is just about to begin.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~Helen Keller

The latest version of the post-christmas craziness

As Christmas approaches so does the day I'm dreading: 12/28 when my sister's surgery is scheduled. The family (minus Jake) will be heading down to Wilmington, DE where Dupont Hospital for Children is located, on the 26th and Nick, Emily and I will be trekking it to DC to stay with my aunt and uncle for a few days. Christina will have to spend 2-4 days in the hospital, and then the doctors want to see her a week after the surgery. Nick and Em have to be back for school on the 2nd, although my parents are debating whether or not to have them each miss a day for convenience sake. I'll either be staying in Wilmington with Rochelle to help her bring Chrissy home or going back with my dad and the other kiddos to continue babysitting duty.

Personally, I think this idea sucks but I'm letting my parents make all the decisions and being "pliable" as my grandma says. It would seem easier to just leave Nick, Em, and I at home for the week rather than juggling bringing them back and forth from Wilmington and DC, a three hour drive. I know my parents want to see them while Chrissy is in the hospital, but I think they're going to be even more stressed having them at Paul and Teresa's house. I offered to stay home with them and then drive them out to Wilmington to visit on Friday (after the surgery), which my stepmom seemed to like, but my dad was opposed to. I know the kids are excited to see their cousins, but I think they'll have a harder time being away from home and my parents than just one or the other. Nick would be fine, but Emily is going to have a tough time with the separation anyway you slice it. But who am I to tell them what's best. I'll just keep my mouth shut, offer out in the open, and make the best of whatever they decide. I just want them to pick whatever will cause them the least amount of stress so that they can focus on Chrissy and not worry about the rest of us.

Whatever happens, I'll be in for an, uh, interesting experience next week considering Nick and Em aren't the easiest kids to handle. We'll make the most of it and hopefully have some fun along the way. I know we'll all be up for a bit of a distraction to pass the difficult days.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. ~George Bernard Shaw

Why little kids make me happy:

• The untainted passion and vigor with which they face life. The world is at their fingertips to discover and conquer. Every day brings new surprises and even the smallest, ordinary experiences are amazing in their eyes.
• Their desire to please both themselves and others. While children are often egocentric, they can also have this charming benevolence about them. Young children seem to sense sadness in others and have this overwhelming desire to "kiss the boo-boo and make it go away"
• Their lack of cynicism and incredible resiliency. They haven't had enough life experience to view the whole picture, and so they only see the best in the world. In doing so, they often bring out the best in others. It brings true meaning to the phrase "ignorance is bliss."
  Their unfailing persistence and endless learning capabilities. Children acquire so many new skills and learn so much in their first years of life. They master one task after another and are continually challenged by their surroundings. Each new experience marks a break through in their unique development patterns and a stepping stone of growing up.
• Their blunt honesty. They simply do not know better and therefore always speak their mind. There is no question as to what a young child is thinking because lying is beyond their capabilities. They tell the truth no matter how it comes across to those around them.
• Their happy-go-lucky attitude and trust in others. Similar to the first point, it is so easy to please (most) young children. The simplest acts will mean so much to them and often all they desire is the time of their caregivers.

Its amazing how much you can learn from just watching and listening to young children. I had forgotten how much joy and energy they add to life.

Facing a mirror you see merely your own countenance; facing a child you finally understand how everyone else has seen you. ~Daniel Raeburn

Couldn't Resist...

Courtesy of my darling friend Tina (not a llama):

i once knew a boer named bober.
she was often not very sober.
after a few shots of rum
i'd ask to have some
but then all she'd do was fall over

Crazy how she's never even seen me drunk and yet comes up with something like this...

Santa Claus 3 and then some

I just got back from "The Santa Claus 3" and was happily surprised that this sequel-to-a-sequel still hadn't lost its spunk. As I left the theater, jammed packed with Kodak families, I couldn't help but think two things:

1) "Damn I'm old!" The original movie came out 12 years ago! How did 12 years go by so freakin fast? Oh, and for those who care, the 5 year old cutie from the original grows up to be one awkward teenager...

2) "What makes Jack Frost the 'bad' guy?" He had a whole movie dedicated to him 10 years ago, implying that he's a good guy. What's with the confusing holiday reputation, huh? So is he bad or good? Or is he just misunderstood. I mean really, what makes a bad guy decide to be bad? Usually its some unfair circumstances that inspires a character to turn bad(Think Harry Osborne or Doc Oc from Spidey), so can we really blame them? I think reading Wicked has gone to my head...

Nonetheless, it was nice to spend an evening with the whole family - even if Emily (5) threw popcorn at the people in front of us, Chrissy (3) complained the whole time, and Jake (17) left us faster than you can say "Nice movie"- the point is we did something together and isn't that what the holidays are all about?

Freedom at Last?

I am safely at home recovering from both finals and this nasty cold (anyone who has heard my cough can attest to this...). While my finals didn't go as well as I'd hoped, there's always next semester and wishing I had done things differently won't change things now.

So, I'm finally FREE! Or so I thought until I got into my dad's car and realized that my four weeks of "freedom" is really just four weeks of academic freedom. I'm continuing my research position, helping watch the kiddos, and then there's always @ work to be done (including planning our *newbie induction conference/LC retreat*...soo excited!)

While I haven't made a single plan myself, it looks like my schedule is filling up quickly:

• Tomorrow: seeing Santa Claus 3 with the munchkins
• Saturday: my sister's bday party
• Sunday: "Christmas" with my dad's parents (visiting from Pittsburgh)
• Monday morning: eye appointment (hopefully I don't need glasses :( )
• Thursday: being "eulogized" in front of my brother's whole public speaking class...ugh yeah

That should leave plenty of time for baking cookies, shopping for presents, and catching up with friends. But for now, all I want to do is sleep!

Resolutions for Next Semester

1. Go to class
2. Keep up with readings
3. Ace my classes


Needless to say, finals are kicking my butt this semester :(

Only one more to go...

What about shyness?

I read a quotation in a friend's facebook profile a few days ago that I can't seem to shake from my mind (See what procrastination leads me to...)

Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people. ~Andre Dubus

I had never really thought of it like that. Shyness is generally attributed to lack of self confidence, but is it actually narcissistic as well? I guess lack of self-consciousness can develop into narcissism if you become so enthralled by your own appearance, gestures, and actions that you begin to obsess over yourself.

While I have never really considered myself "shy" because my personality lends itself to being outgoing, I am definitely self-conscious. As I walked across campus this morning, suddenly wishing I had remembered to put on earrings or had taken the time to put on makeup, I asked myself: why? First of all, do I really care what other people think of me? I decided that for the most part, no. The people that do influence me are those closest to me, and they don't care anyways. Second, why would I think that how I look would matter to people around me any more than how they look matters to me? I realized that this was the sort of narcissism Dubus is talking about. Feeling like your demeanor is important to other people.

So self-consciousness is narcissistic, but is shyness really? I started thinking about this too and in all the situations that I might be labeled "shy." I determined that I'm usually only shy in unfamiliar situations (ie. being thrown into a group of people I don't know, but who know each other) and when I'm faced with something I am not well acquainted with (ie. in class if I haven't done the reading). The reason I act shy in certain situations is because I am not confident in myself or because I have not acclimated to the situation yet. There are very few people I know who don't get shy in some situations and as long as its not in excess I think this is perfectly normal.

I don't know why I find this so intriguing...perhaps thinking about it is just a better alternative to studying. Speaking of which, I need to get back to. 3 days, 3 exams, and 1 paper left to go!

RP--all for one and one for all

Today was definitely a RP day...I completed and turned in my RA re-app and had a nice discussion about transferring with my RHD. Apparently I have a better shot at getting one of the coveted positions in c-town than I thought...I also put in for a transfer to Hasbrouck because I would get to live in an apartment (prob w/ other RAs) and b/c Nob convinced me that it would be awesome if he ends up being a GCA there. So it looks like I might not be RAing for all freshies after all if one of these transfers pans out. I should be happy about this, but it kind of makes me disappointed. Despite the clankity heaters, being surrounded by 500 freshmen, and the distance from all other mature life forms, I've grown to know this building as home for the past 2 years. And while I know I'd be kicking myself next year for not at least attempting to be in c-town, I definitely debated applying at all. I just hope that when the results come out I'll be excited about wherever I've been placed, and I'm confident that I will be.

I had an interesting and entertaining afternoon with my bosses Bri (ARHD) and Nat interviewing candidates for next year's ARHD. Aside from being tons of fun and a great bonding time, I also realized the skills I've acquired from being a RA. I guess I always down played it, but it really does give you a leg up in the professional world. We deal with administrative issues, emergency situations, community building, dispute resolution, bias related issues, and so much more. Not to mention that we do it all with a professional attitude (except for those isolated incidents when you just want to slap a bitch...)

Not too bad of a deal I guess...you get to develop all those skills while getting the 4Fs of college--friends, fun, and food...for FREE. I've definitely realized how much I enjoy this position and see the value in maintaining it for one more year.

On another note, finals have hit me hard this year and I'm sure my little rendezvous to Portugal isn't helping. With 2 down and 3 more to go, I have my worst (Bio) behind me and my most challenging (Econometrics) on Monday. This weekend will be filled with much studying and paper writing and better be more productive than the past few...However, I am allowing myself one last night out before the semester comes to a close so that MJ, Mel and I can continue our new tradition of sake bombing during finals. Unfortunately Tiff, Navin, and Jamie won't be there this time (boohoo!). However, if we're lucky, maybe we'll run into our old buddy Joel so we can chant "we love joel" once again. But this time I vote he doesn't come home with us...


Character--the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life--is the source from which self respect springs. ~Joan Didion

David Pollay Strengths Survey...take two

Your Top Strength

Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

Your Second Strength

Humor and playfulness You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

Your Third Strength

Fairness, equity, and justice Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Your Fourth Strength

Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

Your Fifth Strength

Kindness and generosity You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.

This differs only slightly from my output back in August, for which my strengths were: humor & playfulness; fairness, equity & justice; curiosity and interest in the world; kindness and generosity; judgement, critical thinking & open-mindedness. This was my third time hearing David's speil and I still picked up on new things and came away with a different perspective. I think positive psychology was founded with people like me in mind: as David says in his story about the butterflies, here to make the world a more beautiful place. What do you add to the world?

Soon to come: my list of things i'm thankful for.

Because I can always use a reminder of the importance of being childlike

"Put Something In"

Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-grumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
'Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain't been there before.

-Shel Silverstein

What to do...

What to do this summer? This seems to be the reappearing question on my mind. While I was set on doing a traineeship this summer, this option no longer seams feasible for a number of financial and personal reasons. I have a bunch of different options with varying pros and cons to each.

Two years ago I was offered an internship position for my parent's friend and financial advisor, Ralph Angelo with his planning group. Before coming to Cornell I really thought financial planning was the perfect career for me--flexible hours, a big fat salary, an enjoyable job, and an "in" to the field via Ralph. I love economics and math, but even more so love getting to know people. This is pretty much what the job entails, according to Ralph.

After spending a year at Cornell I saw myself going in another direction, social policy, and I left my dreams of financial planning and all consumer policy occupations behind me, having never really explored them thoroughly. I kind of feel like this is an important chance for me to re-examine my interest and explore all the opportunities I have available to me. Up til this point I haven't even contacted Ralph to arrange the details because I didn't want my parents to know I was reconsidering this option. They still think I'm going to Latin America this summer and I don't want to give them any more opportunities to talk me out of it if I do decide to go on a traineeship.

However, I just heard from my mother that my dad has been making arrangements with Ralph "setting me up with the perfect job this summer." While this should make me happy considering it's the option I'm leaning towards now, it pissed me off that my dad was taking my summer into his own hands, assuming that I'd agree. I know he wants me to stay in Rochester this summer and I know he thinks I've been screwing myself into the ground financially so I can understand why he thinks this would be a good opportunity for me, but it's still my choice. If I want(ed) to do it, I need to pursue it, not him.

The biggest thing holding me back is the thought of spending a whole summer back home in Rochester. I can't imagine living with my parents for that long again and not having a car. Which poses problem number two: no car to get back and forth from the internship. However, this might not be as big of a problem as I had thought because my mom says that my stepdad has offered "to take care of it." I'm not sure if that means I'd just use my moms car or if he'd get me a car for the summer, but either way that could be a sweet deal...The last problem is where to live. If I stay with my dad I have no bedroom which means no privacy whatsoever and little kids all over all my stuff all the time. If I live with my mom, I'll be farther from my friends but closer to work, will have unpresedented heachaches, but my own room and potentially a car. I've never lived with my mom for an extended period of time, and I'm not so sure how this would go over. It could be fun, or it could turn into a disaster...hopefully the first.

*Sigh* I love how I always get myself into these situations right as finals are approaching. Ok, time to get back to studying...