I have become a horrible blogger
Yes, I know I've been lacking on the updates lately. But my "silence" shouldn't be mistaken as nothing happening, because quite the opposite is true.
I find it hard to blog while I'm here because I have SO much happening that I can't process it all quick enough to jot it down in a way that would make sense to others. Instead I've been focusing more on writing in my journal, which I seem to prefer nowadays, especially since I can delve into my more personal thoughts and experiences without being afraid of who's reading it.
Life in Cartagena, while far from monotonous, has developed a sense of normality. Habits and behavioral patterns have started to emerge: going to work, going to centro or beaches on weekends, having "places" to go and things that need to be done. There's something to be said for finding comfort in small routines. Things that once felt so difficult and as if I'd never adjust to, like bargaining for prices or taking collectivos, have become regular parts of life. My Spanish is continuing to improve and its easier and easier to communicate with strangers in addition to people I know well. I still have off days where it seems as if I can't speak a frickin word, but for the most part I struggle through my mistakes and get my point across.
After being mugged, I went through about 3 weeks of solid fear. Every person on the street - male, female, black, white, young, old, Colombian, or gringo - was a potential threat. I jumped every time someone got too close to me and my heart sped up with every moto that went by. I avoided walking or going anywhere alone and stopped wearing all of my jewelry (not having a watch on was the worst...) and only carried purses when I had to.
Now, I feel much more confident and secure once again, but I think that having a certain level of "paranoia" is probably healthy. I'm actually grateful that I was able to have my bubble of security burst without having to get hurt because now I'm more careful, observant, and always aware of my surroundings. I guess about 150 bucks worth of shit and a few more trips to the DAS is worth it if it will keep me safer in the long run.
Things have been rough for my family back in the states, and as a result I've been talking to people at home a lot more. Part of me feels this is good because I'm keeping in touch, but I also feel more homesick and responsible to help deal with things as a result of it. The second consequence frustrates me beyond belief because I'm so far away and disengaged from their daily lives. My family also has the problem of pulling me into the middle of everything that is going on, and I have the problem of letting them. Damn divorces. I mediate. I'm the messenger. I'm the bearer of bad news and the bringer of light to situations.
Being a part of a family means being entwined in each other's lives, but right now its like I'm half living in their world and half in my own and I'm being forced to still play the roles they expect me to while not fully being involved in their lives. Sometimes I wish I could just choose to have it all or nothing, but unless I'm willing to shut one part out - my world, or theirs - I'm going to be stuck right where I am.
I find it hard to blog while I'm here because I have SO much happening that I can't process it all quick enough to jot it down in a way that would make sense to others. Instead I've been focusing more on writing in my journal, which I seem to prefer nowadays, especially since I can delve into my more personal thoughts and experiences without being afraid of who's reading it.
Life in Cartagena, while far from monotonous, has developed a sense of normality. Habits and behavioral patterns have started to emerge: going to work, going to centro or beaches on weekends, having "places" to go and things that need to be done. There's something to be said for finding comfort in small routines. Things that once felt so difficult and as if I'd never adjust to, like bargaining for prices or taking collectivos, have become regular parts of life. My Spanish is continuing to improve and its easier and easier to communicate with strangers in addition to people I know well. I still have off days where it seems as if I can't speak a frickin word, but for the most part I struggle through my mistakes and get my point across.
After being mugged, I went through about 3 weeks of solid fear. Every person on the street - male, female, black, white, young, old, Colombian, or gringo - was a potential threat. I jumped every time someone got too close to me and my heart sped up with every moto that went by. I avoided walking or going anywhere alone and stopped wearing all of my jewelry (not having a watch on was the worst...) and only carried purses when I had to.
Now, I feel much more confident and secure once again, but I think that having a certain level of "paranoia" is probably healthy. I'm actually grateful that I was able to have my bubble of security burst without having to get hurt because now I'm more careful, observant, and always aware of my surroundings. I guess about 150 bucks worth of shit and a few more trips to the DAS is worth it if it will keep me safer in the long run.
Things have been rough for my family back in the states, and as a result I've been talking to people at home a lot more. Part of me feels this is good because I'm keeping in touch, but I also feel more homesick and responsible to help deal with things as a result of it. The second consequence frustrates me beyond belief because I'm so far away and disengaged from their daily lives. My family also has the problem of pulling me into the middle of everything that is going on, and I have the problem of letting them. Damn divorces. I mediate. I'm the messenger. I'm the bearer of bad news and the bringer of light to situations.
Being a part of a family means being entwined in each other's lives, but right now its like I'm half living in their world and half in my own and I'm being forced to still play the roles they expect me to while not fully being involved in their lives. Sometimes I wish I could just choose to have it all or nothing, but unless I'm willing to shut one part out - my world, or theirs - I'm going to be stuck right where I am.
posted by Lindsey at
3:44 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home